what have I become?
by dances-with-kings-and-wolves
Summary: Set after 6x20 castiel's  thoughts as he  continues to reflect on his actions, with an appearance by a unwanted guest.


Hi all it's been a while. Hope you enjoy this story set just after 6x20 what I believed should happen. Hope you enjoy it, read and review and please excuse any errors.

Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural, it is property of their respected owners but if I did it would be the most angsty hour of your lives, sadly I do not own Misha Collins or Mark Sheppard well cause life would be just grand If I did . Enjoy!

What have I become?

"Please" Castiel managed to get out last desperate plea to his father. As he had secretly expected there was no answer. The desperation was building up in him like a wild animal, trying frantically to gnaw its way out. He was tearing at the seams and no one seemed to care.

"I am done" he managed quietly, he had no one. It was true what they said, no man was an island and that went double for angels. Who could he turn to? Raphael wanted his head, and he had slain countless of his brothers and sisters, family like Rachel with his own hands. All for his quest to save the world, and his own life.

Was he that afraid to die?

Castiel sighed as he cast his blue eyes uneasily towards sky once more, waiting for some form of divine intervention.

What would Gabriel think? The thought occurred to him. He suddenly felt horrible, a wave of sickness washed over him as if his brother were watching him right then and there. He knew what his brother would think, "He would be ashamed of me" Castiel said aloud mournfully, unable to keep the pain out of his voice. He was harming the spirit of his dead brother. Castiel had been prideful, reckless and he had abandoned those he needed him most.

Dean.

That boy, even in his darkest hour, had looked on him with eyes full of hope that it had been a silly misunderstanding that they could overlook this and that Castiel could return to being the champion of heaven he had always been. He had called him family, protected him, welcomed him into his home even perhaps loved him.

His brother, his precious human brother, and what had he done to his family ?

"I stabbed my brother in the back" Castiel said loud enough for the empty grave yard to hear. As the images of Dean, Sam's and Bobby's faces filled his mind. He let out an agitated sigh hiding his face in his hands, rubbing restlessly as his skin, as if he could wipe the filth he felt away.

"You bet you did, beautiful," an oily voice said breaking the suffocating silence

Castiel snapped up meeting the black gaze of Crowley the dark haired demon smiled that sneaky, dirty smile that usually made Castiel feel like ripping it off his face. But not right now.

"What's the matter my little bird?" Crowley said pouting "Your human pet didn't take the news well I take it?"

Castiel glanced up matching his dark gaze with his steely blue one "Dean," he growled is not my-"

Crowley cut him off "Save it Cas, you can't sell that holier-then- thou- bullcrap with me, your about as frightening right now as a puppy dog."

"Iam-" Castiel said standing suddenly to his full height energy crackling around him, he wasn't going to let Crowley know how weak he was, how vulnerable he was, he couldn't.

"A broken man, Cas." Crowley finished. " Daddy" he said indicating above his head "Isn't listening anymore, he doesn't care anymore. His Shepard has left his sheep alone to fend for themselves, and so no one is going to go looking for him, his prodigal son has gone and no one is waiting for him when he comes home."

"I, I" Cas stammered taken off guard.

Crowley smile widened "You've defied heaven above and betrayed your family below. No, my friend that ship of salvation has sailed, those rescue ship you had are gone, and you're on your own."

Castiel, couldn't reply he stared down at the ground unable to respond, trying desperately not to admit that he was right.

"Then if that's right" he added quietly "then I can kill you, right here and now"

"oh you could" Crowley added calmly but that doesn't really matter does it?, If I die there will be someone there to take my place and your brothers will still hunt you down, your Winchesters aren't around to protect you anymore." Crowley added smugly, he took a step towards Castiel, he watched as a river of emotions ran over the angel's face he was lost, so very lost.

He sat beside the devastated angel, and he pat his back in a motherly gesture the angel he seemed to be shell shocked. The reality of his situation was only sinking in now. Crowley licked his lips eagerly Castiel was just how he liked them, alone, wounded, helpless and dying.

Slowly he lent over and mere inches from Castiel's skin close enough to smell him, to taste him, as his serpentine tongue poked out between his lips and he gently ran it over the angel's cheek and delivered the last blow and nailed the final nail into the coffin. He whispered with the innocence the angel had once held. "what have you become Cas?"

Castiel sat there, as the words ran around in his head, and he found himself whispering out loud as Crowley looked on, "What have I become?"

.


End file.
